a hairy tale.

it's truly amazing: the details of dates that we don't actually disclose until we know the situation is going no where.
so here it is.
i met a guy on an airplane. it seemed like a totally cute meet...two people, relatively the same age, laughing and talking for hours on a plane. we dove into conversation about everything. it was fun and emotional and intimate. i mean, we were practically on each other's laps for 2 hours. and when we landed and exited said plane, we said goodbye. But then, he turned back, called my name, asked for my number. i agreed. i mean, who wouldn't. the idea of meeting a guy on an airplane is amazing...sure, he wasn't that cute, but the conversation was good, and he seemed relatively safe but at the same time fun. and let's face it, at this point, i craved a perfect combination of fun and safe. so i gave it up; my number that is, and much to my surprise, he called.
airplane and i went out for dinner and then drinks afterwards. halfway through the date, he asked if i would say yes to a second date. again, i agreed, and again, i mean, why not. he was still safe and still fun, and the conversation was amazing.
we didn't talk for a few days, and when we did, i knew it was over.
so here it is: the weird detail that i wouldn't disclose until i knew we would never go on that second date.
when airplane dropped me off, he walked me to the door. earlier in the night, i had looked frantically for a rubber band, and he had told me to stop. that my hair looked fine. i replied, that my hair was longer than normal, and it was such a hot night that it was driving me crazy; i just needed to put it up. he said, a little forcefully, to leave it because it already looked perfect. as we reached my door, he leaned in for a kiss; i reciprocated. it was kind of an amazing kiss: a rebound, a breath of fresh air, a cute meet that actually led to a fun date which ended with a kiss at my front door. and then, he leaned in and whispered into my ear, i don't think you should cut your hair. i asked why (mind you, this was casually mid-kiss), and he replied, "because then i can't play with it anymore. i love the idea of running my fingers through your hair forever. i love how soft and smooth it is, and how amazing it feels slipping through my fingers. it's so soft, i can't believe it."
that was when airplane became unsafe, casually awkward, and kind of creepy. he ruined my perfectly safe date and made it creepy and weird. he turned an end of the night innocent kiss into a full on fetish fantasy. i knew then that journeying into future dates with airplanes would really only lead to a hairy tale, not the fairy tale previously imagined during our cute meet.

California Roll: Take 2

I was suppose to meet Scooty for happy hour at 5:30. I kind of knew I needed to put an end to things. I mean, we had been on three dates, and although he was sweet and so nice and attentive to me, he didn't have the spice that I needed to continue. The conversation was often lacking...to the point that we resorted to talking about the weather, scooters, and cheese. (Did I ever even mention that for a living, he makes cheese?) But, when on a Friday, at noon, he texted me saying, "what time is too early for happy hour?!" My heart started to race; he had finally made a little funny, and I got super excited. Maybe he had just been shy and uneasy with dating. Maybe, just maybe, he was a little more spicy than the California Roll after all. I agreed to meet him and made a silent stipulation with myself: if happy hour was as spice-lacking as the rest of the dates, I would end it. I mean, we hadn't even kissed yet, so I figured a nice, "it's been great getting to know you as a friend" type closure would be a perfect ending to this little scooty situation.
However, Scooty threw me for another loop when I asked to meet a little earlier. He texted back, "I can meet you at 5, if you can handle my Hawaiian shirt." And I loved it. I thought he was making another little joke, so I texted back, "Of course, I can handle your Hawaiian shirt! In fact, I'll top it with my Hawaiian swimsuit."
And then, he called. I mean, he couldn't even handle a little mild salsa spiced texting. When he called, he proceeded to tell me that the reason he had to wear a Hawaiian shirt to happy hour was because he no longer had time to return home and change before meeting me. The reason why he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt in the first place was because it was how he got a little crazy at work on Fridays.
I proceeded to tell him, I couldn't meet him for happy hour. I couldn't meet him ever. The thing about people is that we either have spice or we don't; the recipes that are our souls, can't be added to or modified. They've already been made and baked to create who we are. Nice, sweet, and quiet, just doesn't pair well with spicy, silly, and dramatic.

best. dates. ever.

i think, sometimes, the best dates aren't romantic at all. they are the dinner and drink dates with two best friends who make you laugh till you cry, and a day spent with your sister drinking oberon in the sunshine.

awkward.

Him: Do you want to ride on my scooter?
Me: Um, not really.
Him: Why, are you opposed to scooters or something?
Me: I mean, I'm wearing a dress.
Him: Oh right. I see. I bet you never wear shorts.
Me: Well sometimes I do, I guess.
Him: No. I bet you only wear shorts when you're working out. Am I right? Tell me I'm right.
Me: I don't want to talk about this anymore.
Him: Because I'm right? I mean, just admit it; I'm right.

empty bowl.

after the first few minutes in scooty's house, i immediately took note of two things. First, there was an overall complete lack of conversation. he literally had nothing to say, and i had run out of my own material somewhere in the middle of date number 2. Second, he had pictures of himself, solo, framed around the house. At first, I jumped to the conclusion that he was vain; however, after a few more moments of silence, I had the time to realize that he has no friends to take pictures with.
he cooked a delicious dinner. as we ate, listening mostly to the sounds of us chewing, scooty suggested a walk to a close by ice cream parlor. it was then that i realized scooty loves the silence between us. i want to run away and hide from it, but he's perfectly comfortable with quiet contemplation and silence. the thought of walking a few blocks for ice cream and drawing out the silence seemed like the worst idea ever, and i don't even like ice cream. But, in true allison form, i smiled and said yes and secretly hoped for some sort of excitement to spark.
the short walk was actually 15 blocks, which, when wearing super cute sandals and walking in silence is not short at all. by the time we arrived at coldstone, i had entered into cranky-land. i was so bored and now tired and hot, and i dreaded the walk home.
however, things livened up when we arrived at the ice cream store, i ordered a typical dish of ice cream, size small. scooty, however, threw me and the guy working for a loop when he ordered an empty waffle bowl. I believe his exact words were, "can i get a plain waffle bowl please?"
and i was done. i laughed until i cried, and not really in a good way...more of a "wtf" or "fml" kind of way. and as i laughed, and scooty stared at me like i was crazy, i realized his ice cream choice is a metaphor for his life...he is the empty waffle bowl that he ordered. a nice, sweet, sturdy structure, and that is all.

sushi

sushi. literally, we had sushi. on a first date, he took me out for sushi. sushi is delicious, and it's trendy, and it's fun...when you're with a group of friends or family. but it's very unfun on a first date. the thing about sushi is that it is big and messy and gooey and complicated. it's like a food metaphor for a bad relationship...complicated, overly talked about, falls apart easily, and already broken. so when scooty suggested sushi, i casually died. the thought of struggling to cram huge pieces of rice into my mouth and worrying about spilling on my dress, looking like a fool, mispronouncing names of the rolls, and getting food stuck in my teeth, was unappealing and stressful. to put it simply, sushi is a huge commitment and obstacle to climb over on the first date. it seals two people into a "we're okay being awkward together" bound, which is moving way too fast for me. i just can't commit on that level...but i also have a really hard time saying no, so i just smiled and ordered the rolls i wanted and laughed fakely at the weather and told stories about being a teacher. by the time our food arrived, i was over worrying about looking stupid. i could tell scooty wouldn't care...he was the type of guy i could ask out right if there was anything in my teeth and probably pick it out in front of him. in all honesty, the spicest part of the evening was the california roll, and although it wasn't a bad date or a bad evening, no spice is just not allison.

Red Flags

Two Clear Red Flags:

He buys condoms in bulk. (I mean multiple economy sized boxes stacked in the bathroom.)

He dressed as Trojan Man for Halloween.

futuristic

Today, I went on a first date. It's the first, first date I've been on in 10 months. (No, I haven't been in a dry spell...just preoccupied). The amazing thing about going on a date with someone is that a date leads to thinking about the future. Of course, I don't mean marriage or children or mortages...I mean, have you met me?! But in reality, a first date makes you think about a second date and a second date makes you think about a text or a phone call and a third date makes you think about whether or not your friends will like him. Personally, I think about all of these things, but I also begin to think about whether I should trust him. Whether he'll end up hurting me. Whether or not I should let my guard down. But this time, as we sat talking about random first date topics, I wondered if he is someone I will hurt, and how he'll deal with that. I wondered to myself how he would feel if he lets his guard down and gets too close. I wondered if he will want me to meet his friends, and if so, will they one day hate me for leaving him behind. It's sad how others' careless actions can have such a huge effect on us, on our hearts. Or maybe it's important because I've learned that I never want to ever be the reason why people question themselves or their bodies or their hopes or their dreams. I don't know what the future will hold for me and my first date, but I do think these thoughts mean that I've learned to care again, and I really like the idea of caring.