breakfast before sex.

i didn't really expect to meet a boy at a bluegrass festival in lyons...especially because i was attending the festival with family friends. but...a few beers and tunes into the festival, i was my usual socialite-self, buzzing from booth to booth, dancing with different groups, and chatting with various other bluegrass lovers. while walking towards the beer tent, a dark, curly haired boy reached out his silver fat tire glass to cheers my own mug of ipa. his name was marco--he teaches in china. really, that should have stopped me from pursuing any form of romantic contact, but alas, it did not. we went for a walk next to the river, sat on the rocks together holding hands, and even shared an innocent peck on the lips. i mean...apparently, i went from attending a family function to a romantic getaway with a water view.
eventually, we had to say goodbye and go our separate ways, but not before exchanging numbers. we agreed to meet the next day for brunch, before he headed out of town. so, brunch we did, at snooze, denver's popular brunch-boozing place. we talked about everything under the sun--recent heartaches, long lost loves, family dramas, dreams, goals, hopes, regrets.
the thing is, i didn't like him...not even a little bit. i wasn't attracted to him in the slightest, i didn't like the way he looked at the world, and i disagreed with almost every aspect of his education philosophy. and yet, over drinks and breakfast, i was able to open up to him more than some of my closest friends. i told him things about myself that i have never, in my life, told anyone. the encounter ended sooner rather than later...i mean, i only have so many deep, dark secrets to confess. after breakfast, we shared a quick hug, exchanged numbers-mostly to be polite--and parted ways.
watching him walk away from my front door, i came to the conclusion that everything i did with him, is everything i need to bring into my actual relationships, with the boys i like. with him, i was laid back and fun, as usual, but i was also deep and emotional and serious and a little bit broken. in short, i didn't just give him fun; i gave him all of me. and i liked it.

love in the morning.

The eggs, raw and liquidy in the silver bowl

Stirred into a color between
orange yolk and clear fluid.

Swirled with lines of seasoned salt,
decorating not only the eggs
but my tongue too.

The salt is a gift from you.

You told me that secret
on a morning in October
when you cared that I
had the best eggs in the world.

a bootate

so, my new realization of the 20-something dating world comes from my own recent experiences as well as the recent experiences of my friends. my realization is that boys in their late 20s have come up with a new form of booty-calling. i mean, i think i was pretty great at handling a booty call; i always said no. it was easier when we were younger, and a booty call was obvious. boys called after a night at the bar or at a party, and i simply ignored their calls. now, however, boys are a little trickier or maybe a little more classy, or potentially, they're a little more needy. Because boys these days, don't just booty-call; they bootate. this is a combo word--a combination of booty call and date (yes, it's casually lamo, so if there's a better name for this new move, please offer suggestions). here's the deal. boys call, invite us to dinner, and then expect to stay over or at least come in for a little bit. it might not always be dinner...it could be lunch or a rockies game or happy hour or a movie or a walk in the park or even a weekend in the mountains. the tricky part is that in every way, the outings look and feel like dates, and they happen repeatedly. so myself and my friends seem to get wrapped up in the dating aspect while the boys are just wrapped up in having someone for the day/evening/weekend and the whole night. the question is...why do late-twenty something boys need the date at all? can they really just be thinking of the booty? i mean, they spend the time getting to know us, and they even spend the money to take us on fake dates...they invest, and yet can't commit. are the fake dates just a way to justify the booty call? are the fake dates a way to satisfy their emotional needs without having to commit to a real relationship? potentially, boys in their late twenties feel that the repeated bootate is less complicated than an actual relationship. unfortunately, i'm not sure if the same rings true for the girls on the bootate. girls, myself and friends included, seem to view the repeated bootates as more confusing and thus more complicated than an actual relationship. and i think for that reason, boys and their bootates are selfish.
final thought: i think it would be helpful if, when boys asked us out, they let us know, up front, if it's a date or a bootate. this way, there is no confusion, and we get to decide if we want to ignore or accept the call.

love is real, 2.

we all deserve a little love story.

love is real.

It's funny how sometimes things actually work out. When we're least expecting it, a fairy tale happens directly in the middle of our ordinary lives, and whether we're the actual princess or maybe just the maid of honor, the fairy tale reminds us all that love is real.
I have a friend who, back in high school, dated a very cute boy. But like most young very cute boys, he was flighty, noncommittal, and kind of an asshole. Shortly before they walked across the stage to receive their diplomas, he walked away from my friend, and the two year relationship they shared. The thing is, it was high school; a lot of dumb things happen in high school with relationships and boys and the birds and the bees, but most of us, by our twenties, have long forgotten those high school sagas. Or at least we only laugh about them now. But my friend, she never stopped loving her high school boyfriend, and in her heart, she just knew that one day they'd be together again. Mind you, the broken couple, separated five years ago and have not spoken to each other since (sans a few drunk texts or light emails here and there). Most of us would roll our eyes at her "hanging on" behaviors or at least tune her out when she talked about his texts, sexts, or facebook messages. But the thing is, she is not a dumb girl.
Over the past few years, I have come to the conclusion that us girls, we always know what's going on with our boys. We might not want to believe it, and we might make dumb choices, but in our hearts and our minds, we know what's going on. We know if he doesn't really like us, or if he's cheating on us, or if he's hiding something. Point blank, we know if the relationship is not going to work out. So we fret and complain and whine and hope we're wrong, but we're never actually wrong. Boys aren't cruel (or smart) enough to pull the wool over our eyes, but sometimes we're brutal enough to pull the wool over our own.
The odd thing is, my friend had the perfect intuition; it was just not the typical. While most of us believe that the relationship is going no where or that he's an asshole, my friend always believed that they were suppose to be together. And, the other day, he confirmed her intuition. He called her; she answered, and after years of not speaking, he told her he was ready to be her boyfriend. He did everything he needed to convince her that now he was ready to be with just her and to work everything out. He explained that he'd been thinking about her daily for years but never called because he wasn't sure if he would hurt her again. He told her that she mattered; he told her he was sorry; he told her he wanted her. And all she had to reply was, "I know."