living.

i'm not really a dumb girl. but this time, this time, i was dumb. the bad part is that everyone, including me, knew that i was dumb.
one time, jack johnson sang to me, "you don't always have to hold your head higher than your heart." i think i'll blame my latest romance saga on him. because i didn't hold my head higher than my heart. i dove, heart first, into phoenix every time i saw him, and every time i thought of him.
honestly, it's over. this time, it's over for real. and now, my heart hurts. the whole time, my mind told me to stop, to get out, to look into the future and realize it was going no where. but isn't that life? isn't that love? isn't that what makes us get up in the morning...the feeling of diving in, heart-first?
as i lay, in my pit of despair, i still don't regret any of it, because if i'm not diving in, then what am i doing? observing, sitting back, watching the world go by? my heart hurts, and there's noting i can do to make it feel better, but sometimes, maybe, the pain of the ending is worth all that happened before. at least i know i'm alive, and at least i know i'm living.