sitting in it.

Why is it that when things end and we say goodbye, it's never really over? There's no magical switch to tell our hearts and minds and even bodies to turn off and turn away. There's no way to just let it end and be done. Relationships, whether platonic or romantic, heavy or light, dramatic or uneventful, are a part of us for a long time. Even when it should be over and ending words are exchanged, all the feelings stay--they stay and we sit with them, because that's all there is to do.

I have two friends who have dated for years. They've shared vacations, hobbies, friends, a dog, an apartment, and even a trip around the world, but lately, sharing seems to be difficult. There's tension and obvious unhappiness--everyone sees it. I think even they see it. Yet, they go on. He tried to end it once, but it didn't take. I think that sometimes, sitting with the ending is harder than struggling through a relationship that no longer makes you happy. And that is the odd part. As adults, we understand the concepts of long term happiness and measurable success. Our professional careers, financial stability, and big decisions depend on commitment, logical thought, and intensive planning. So why is it that when it comes to love or even casual dating, we throw caution to the wind and act out of impulse, desire, and sometimes even fear. We see things going in the wrong direction; we're not dumb--we can see the warning labels and the dead ends--it just never occurs to us to use logical, rational thought when it comes to relationships. Take my friends for example. Recently, they traveled abroad, but while traveling, their relationship was so strained and forced that they ended their adventure earlier than originally planned. I think, at one point, I heard him say, "things got so bad in France that we had to come back to the District." About a week after returning to the states, they began dating again. The thing is, my friends are financial analysts. They spend their days looking at and measuring solid data. When their numbers dip in the wrong direction, they devise strategies and prepare, in advance, for future failures...so, why, when it comes to their failing relationship, do they not prepare for a solid future? They continue on the same crooked and distorted path with shadow of doubts looming every where. And in truth, the saddest story isn't really about what happens when we break up, the sadder story is about what happens when we don't.