love in the morning.

The eggs, raw and liquidy in the silver bowl

Stirred into a color between
orange yolk and clear fluid.

Swirled with lines of seasoned salt,
decorating not only the eggs
but my tongue too.

The salt is a gift from you.

You told me that secret
on a morning in October
when you cared that I
had the best eggs in the world.

a bootate

so, my new realization of the 20-something dating world comes from my own recent experiences as well as the recent experiences of my friends. my realization is that boys in their late 20s have come up with a new form of booty-calling. i mean, i think i was pretty great at handling a booty call; i always said no. it was easier when we were younger, and a booty call was obvious. boys called after a night at the bar or at a party, and i simply ignored their calls. now, however, boys are a little trickier or maybe a little more classy, or potentially, they're a little more needy. Because boys these days, don't just booty-call; they bootate. this is a combo word--a combination of booty call and date (yes, it's casually lamo, so if there's a better name for this new move, please offer suggestions). here's the deal. boys call, invite us to dinner, and then expect to stay over or at least come in for a little bit. it might not always be dinner...it could be lunch or a rockies game or happy hour or a movie or a walk in the park or even a weekend in the mountains. the tricky part is that in every way, the outings look and feel like dates, and they happen repeatedly. so myself and my friends seem to get wrapped up in the dating aspect while the boys are just wrapped up in having someone for the day/evening/weekend and the whole night. the question is...why do late-twenty something boys need the date at all? can they really just be thinking of the booty? i mean, they spend the time getting to know us, and they even spend the money to take us on fake dates...they invest, and yet can't commit. are the fake dates just a way to justify the booty call? are the fake dates a way to satisfy their emotional needs without having to commit to a real relationship? potentially, boys in their late twenties feel that the repeated bootate is less complicated than an actual relationship. unfortunately, i'm not sure if the same rings true for the girls on the bootate. girls, myself and friends included, seem to view the repeated bootates as more confusing and thus more complicated than an actual relationship. and i think for that reason, boys and their bootates are selfish.
final thought: i think it would be helpful if, when boys asked us out, they let us know, up front, if it's a date or a bootate. this way, there is no confusion, and we get to decide if we want to ignore or accept the call.

love is real, 2.

we all deserve a little love story.

love is real.

It's funny how sometimes things actually work out. When we're least expecting it, a fairy tale happens directly in the middle of our ordinary lives, and whether we're the actual princess or maybe just the maid of honor, the fairy tale reminds us all that love is real.
I have a friend who, back in high school, dated a very cute boy. But like most young very cute boys, he was flighty, noncommittal, and kind of an asshole. Shortly before they walked across the stage to receive their diplomas, he walked away from my friend, and the two year relationship they shared. The thing is, it was high school; a lot of dumb things happen in high school with relationships and boys and the birds and the bees, but most of us, by our twenties, have long forgotten those high school sagas. Or at least we only laugh about them now. But my friend, she never stopped loving her high school boyfriend, and in her heart, she just knew that one day they'd be together again. Mind you, the broken couple, separated five years ago and have not spoken to each other since (sans a few drunk texts or light emails here and there). Most of us would roll our eyes at her "hanging on" behaviors or at least tune her out when she talked about his texts, sexts, or facebook messages. But the thing is, she is not a dumb girl.
Over the past few years, I have come to the conclusion that us girls, we always know what's going on with our boys. We might not want to believe it, and we might make dumb choices, but in our hearts and our minds, we know what's going on. We know if he doesn't really like us, or if he's cheating on us, or if he's hiding something. Point blank, we know if the relationship is not going to work out. So we fret and complain and whine and hope we're wrong, but we're never actually wrong. Boys aren't cruel (or smart) enough to pull the wool over our eyes, but sometimes we're brutal enough to pull the wool over our own.
The odd thing is, my friend had the perfect intuition; it was just not the typical. While most of us believe that the relationship is going no where or that he's an asshole, my friend always believed that they were suppose to be together. And, the other day, he confirmed her intuition. He called her; she answered, and after years of not speaking, he told her he was ready to be her boyfriend. He did everything he needed to convince her that now he was ready to be with just her and to work everything out. He explained that he'd been thinking about her daily for years but never called because he wasn't sure if he would hurt her again. He told her that she mattered; he told her he was sorry; he told her he wanted her. And all she had to reply was, "I know."

a hairy tale.

it's truly amazing: the details of dates that we don't actually disclose until we know the situation is going no where.
so here it is.
i met a guy on an airplane. it seemed like a totally cute meet...two people, relatively the same age, laughing and talking for hours on a plane. we dove into conversation about everything. it was fun and emotional and intimate. i mean, we were practically on each other's laps for 2 hours. and when we landed and exited said plane, we said goodbye. But then, he turned back, called my name, asked for my number. i agreed. i mean, who wouldn't. the idea of meeting a guy on an airplane is amazing...sure, he wasn't that cute, but the conversation was good, and he seemed relatively safe but at the same time fun. and let's face it, at this point, i craved a perfect combination of fun and safe. so i gave it up; my number that is, and much to my surprise, he called.
airplane and i went out for dinner and then drinks afterwards. halfway through the date, he asked if i would say yes to a second date. again, i agreed, and again, i mean, why not. he was still safe and still fun, and the conversation was amazing.
we didn't talk for a few days, and when we did, i knew it was over.
so here it is: the weird detail that i wouldn't disclose until i knew we would never go on that second date.
when airplane dropped me off, he walked me to the door. earlier in the night, i had looked frantically for a rubber band, and he had told me to stop. that my hair looked fine. i replied, that my hair was longer than normal, and it was such a hot night that it was driving me crazy; i just needed to put it up. he said, a little forcefully, to leave it because it already looked perfect. as we reached my door, he leaned in for a kiss; i reciprocated. it was kind of an amazing kiss: a rebound, a breath of fresh air, a cute meet that actually led to a fun date which ended with a kiss at my front door. and then, he leaned in and whispered into my ear, i don't think you should cut your hair. i asked why (mind you, this was casually mid-kiss), and he replied, "because then i can't play with it anymore. i love the idea of running my fingers through your hair forever. i love how soft and smooth it is, and how amazing it feels slipping through my fingers. it's so soft, i can't believe it."
that was when airplane became unsafe, casually awkward, and kind of creepy. he ruined my perfectly safe date and made it creepy and weird. he turned an end of the night innocent kiss into a full on fetish fantasy. i knew then that journeying into future dates with airplanes would really only lead to a hairy tale, not the fairy tale previously imagined during our cute meet.

California Roll: Take 2

I was suppose to meet Scooty for happy hour at 5:30. I kind of knew I needed to put an end to things. I mean, we had been on three dates, and although he was sweet and so nice and attentive to me, he didn't have the spice that I needed to continue. The conversation was often lacking...to the point that we resorted to talking about the weather, scooters, and cheese. (Did I ever even mention that for a living, he makes cheese?) But, when on a Friday, at noon, he texted me saying, "what time is too early for happy hour?!" My heart started to race; he had finally made a little funny, and I got super excited. Maybe he had just been shy and uneasy with dating. Maybe, just maybe, he was a little more spicy than the California Roll after all. I agreed to meet him and made a silent stipulation with myself: if happy hour was as spice-lacking as the rest of the dates, I would end it. I mean, we hadn't even kissed yet, so I figured a nice, "it's been great getting to know you as a friend" type closure would be a perfect ending to this little scooty situation.
However, Scooty threw me for another loop when I asked to meet a little earlier. He texted back, "I can meet you at 5, if you can handle my Hawaiian shirt." And I loved it. I thought he was making another little joke, so I texted back, "Of course, I can handle your Hawaiian shirt! In fact, I'll top it with my Hawaiian swimsuit."
And then, he called. I mean, he couldn't even handle a little mild salsa spiced texting. When he called, he proceeded to tell me that the reason he had to wear a Hawaiian shirt to happy hour was because he no longer had time to return home and change before meeting me. The reason why he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt in the first place was because it was how he got a little crazy at work on Fridays.
I proceeded to tell him, I couldn't meet him for happy hour. I couldn't meet him ever. The thing about people is that we either have spice or we don't; the recipes that are our souls, can't be added to or modified. They've already been made and baked to create who we are. Nice, sweet, and quiet, just doesn't pair well with spicy, silly, and dramatic.

best. dates. ever.

i think, sometimes, the best dates aren't romantic at all. they are the dinner and drink dates with two best friends who make you laugh till you cry, and a day spent with your sister drinking oberon in the sunshine.